“If you’re a meth addict you either throw in the towel and go into treatment, or you scramble to find some other way to get it.” ~Curt Smith
Many of us have heard of the website, Faces of Meth, that show before and after photos of meth addicts. These pictures are frightening enough but the face meth gave me was a bit different. The face you see above is my face after more than two years of heavy meth use which led directly to the poorest health of my life.
My Meth Face
This old face of mine is one of the things that keeps me clean. I sadness I see in the photo brings back so many memories – even some good ones of a pretty positive experience in the hospital. The photos are the end result of every bad decision I had made in my life – each one leading to the next until I saw that face in the mirror.
A to B to C
My face of meth was unique because I was also bipolar and at the time and had not been on medication for the disorder. I have written about how I feel bipolar disorder caused what is called “bipolar hyper-sexuality and infidelity.” Hyper-sexuality, of course, led to contracting HIV and then the heavy meth use on top of all that can easily lead to death. HIV led to pneumonia and that led to an antibiotic I was VERY allergic to but was not aware of at the time. The allergy was extreme – also know as Steven Jonson Syndrome – I was chemically burned from the inside out for weeks!
Staying Clean
People wonder why I would want to keep such horrible photos of such a horrible time, but to me they are very important. I look at them every once in a while to remind myself of how bad it was, and it was BAD!
I am also reminded of how deep in denial I was about meth being a bad thing. I thought the warnings I got from friends were just out of their own fear because they didn’t understand. I couldn’t have been more wrong or naïve. I was still in denial up until the night before going in the hospital.
More coming soon on how I stay clean…
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Below is my ebook, Journey of a Dragonfly, a true story of my challenges with depression and crystal meth. It begins at a point early in my life and leads you through all my bad decisions in life that led me to the photos you see in this post …and beyond. There is a lot of information not talked about in this website.
Your purchase helps keep this site up and running.
Thank you!
Tags: addiction, Bipolar, bipolar disorder, crystal meth, Curt Smith quote, death, denial, faces of meth, hiv, manic, meth, recovery, rehab
Oh Darrin. You are very strong, and I admire you. I’m sorry you had to live through such traumatic experiences,even though they were choices, they were not good ones were they? I am glad you have survived it. You continue to give me hope.
Hey Robin – Where there is hope, anything is possible. What you see in the photos was a breeze compared to the actual events that led to them. The doctors, nurses and hospital staff (minus one nurse who was nuts) were incredible. Now when something “bad” happens it never seems that bad anymore – not after experiencing all that
I stumbled upon your pic while searching for ways to help a crack addict. I am so moved by what I see and what I’ve read. I hope to help my friend with his addiction no matter how much he’s in denial about it. He has been in and out of so many rehabs, and he admitted to me that he views them as a “mini vacation.” I’m scared that something like what has happened to you will happen to him, or even worse. But I also think that it maybe the only way for him to stop using crack. Even though you experienced what seemed to be a nightmare, in actuality, it become a dream come true. I pray my dream will come true for my friend as it has for you.
Hello Heather, Denial is a powerful thing. A friend tried to discourage my meth use and I remember thinking she was nuts and didn’t know what she was talking about. I just blew her off. Don’t give up – you never know what will eventually get his attention. Also, don’t nag too much as he may end up cutting you off, so there’s a delicate balancing act you have to perform. I wish you and your friend well!