“The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.” -Flora Whittemore
A door opened for me in November 2009 that took me on a mental roller coaster ride, a ride I had been on before, a ride I thought I knew well. As I relived that ride, that handful of years with you, I thought I knew which way the path was going, where the turns were and where the exit point would be, but I would soon be surprised that I had no idea where I had been.
I had no idea I would be questioning everything all over again – what I did and why I did it. I think I learned more about those drug filled, emotionally tortured years by writing about them than I would have learned throughout the remainder of my days on this earth without writing about them.
It’s been an eye opening and very gratifying experience to have had, and I appreciate the comments and private emails I have received. Those of encouragement and those who needed encouraging. Knowing I have made a small but positive difference in someone’s life is a really amazing feeling that I wouldn’t trade for anything.
My main and original reason for writing today was to bring this journey to a close so I could open another door for myself because I felt I had left this door open long enough. While writing this, my partner expressed his opinion that it may be a mistake to bring it all to a close. Hmmmm….. The original title to this was, “All Things End…” but I just felt compelled to tweak it to, “All Things Change…” Maybe there is a reason? I have absolutely no idea.
Maybe I shouldn’t make knee-jerk decisions about it right now? I admit, I have had a very stressful week due to my own mental challenges. Realizing I had been misdiagnosed as having bipolar disorder and that makes me rethink a lot of other things.
One thing in particular was bipolar hypersexuality! Well, if I am not bipolar then exactly what was my problem? One friend thought it may have been an addiction to sex! Yikes, I can’t take that back now can I? [sigh] Maybe I’ll keep the door open and figure out what it means to NOT be bipolar. I have to admit, there was something safe about blaming everything on bipolar disorder.
Once again, the things I thought I knew have changed…