“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” -Dr. Suess
Over the last few days I have been suffering through depression and anxiety that hit me like a 500 foot tidal wave. This depression has been terrible and again, I find myself in deep thought while my fingers dance across the keyboard as I talk to you wonderful listeners. As you may know, the typing helps me snap out of the depression …most of the time.
Needed a New Evaluation
I recently got a psyche evaluation and second opinion on my five year old diagnosis of bipolar disorder from a respected psychologist. Before my appointment, I researched bipolar disorder online and made a list of my symptoms because I wanted to be prepared for this appointment but that was a waste of time. The psychologist told me that the websites are far too general and you could diagnose yourself with about anything after reading them. [sigh]
Okay, fair enough but an actual doctor misdiagnosed me, I didn’t misdiagnose myself but he obviously thinks the doctor in question is a great big idiot.
This psychologist with a second opinion believes (after torturing me for 3 hours and giving me a 500 question test) that I suffer from major depression and it is not, I repeat, not bipolar disorder. Seems I was misdiagnosed!
Medicated for Something I Do Not Have!
So it’s safe to assume I’m being medicated poorly, right? He asked what my doctor prescribed for this alleged bipolar disorder – I told him Seroquel, 300mg and the psychologist’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. Not a look that made me feel good about my former doctor. [sigh]
As of this moment I am receiving medical treatment from the state health department because I have no money or insurance. At my next appointment I will be discussing what I need to do about that. The psychologist appointment was far away and I knew he wouldn’t prescribe me anything because it was an evaluation for something else and a super long story that I don’t want to dive into here.
So What Happened to the Marijuana?
Marijuana was doing the trick for a while but that is all gone and not a whole lot of cash to get more. Right, I know it’s illegal but screw that – it helps a shitload! Anyone who feels depression and anxiety as deeply as I am talking about will understand taking the chance with marijuana.
Plus, I was not yet born when they made it illegal so I’m not following the rules and they can kiss my ass [smile]! Plus, I don’t believe it was made illegal because it was dangerous to our health. I believe it was made illegal because it was dangerous to someone’s wallet.
Yes, I do tell my doctor everything otherwise it’s a waste of time to go.
Tweaking my medication is number one but I’m also thinking about the ebook I wrote about my experience with crystal meth and bipolar disorder. [frown] What the hell do I do about that!?