Saved by Slow Death

“All the works of man have their origin in creative fantasy. What right have we then to depreciate imagination.” ~Carl Jung

As far back as I can remember I have always loved to be creative from plastering my bedroom walls with crazy things I made (like the dragonfly above), to being an art major in school and now writing here. Somewhere along the line I feel like I lost a lot of what I use to have inside.

These days whenever I try being creative I feel lost and a bit numb. Creatively, I am usually in a rut that feels a bit like sinking in quicksand. I really miss my right-brain!

Medicated Into Normalcy?

I have heard that many creative people are a little off kilter with the rest of the world and that is where the creativity comes from, and I definitely have always been slightly off kilter. That is until they medicated me for bipolar disorder. Sure, my moods have improved and when I do get depressed it’s shorter lived but my creativity went into a deep hibernation. Every day I wait for it to wake up but every day it sleeps.

Change My Medium?

Could it be that I am still creative but the way I express myself has shifted and I just haven’t found a way to let it out? Things that were once effortless for me to do now seem like a mountain I can’t conquer. This is frustrating! I keep trying different things but I just DO NOT like what I end up with ….maybe I just lack confidence?

Finding What is Important to Me

This blog has been a help to my creative side in ways I never would have thought. I did write an eBook about my struggles with depression and drugs several months ago and also made a couple short videos to promote it that I uploaded to Youtube. Maybe this is telling me that I should refocus my creative side to what I feel is important to me? Maybe I am already being creative but I haven’t been recognizing it because it’s so different from what I have done? In the past it’s been sketches, portraits in charcoal and the amazing season of Halloween.

I put the two videos I made below for your viewing pleasure. Actually, they probably won’t produce a smile on your face.

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I’ll keep looking for other outlets to express myself. Fear not, I am not going off my medication to test my theory of being dulled down creatively. One day something will hit me and I will wonder why it took me so long to find what I was good at ….at least I hope!