This man was genius and laughter is good medicine!
George Carlin Quotes
- The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept
- I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it
- The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions
- Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it
- I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade
- Property is theft. Nobody “owns” anything. When you die, it all stays here
- What year did Jesus think it was?
- “No comment” is a comment
- So far, this is the oldest I’ve been
- May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house
- I think I am, therefore, I am …..I think
- If it requires a uniform, it’s a worthless endeavor
- If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little
- The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done”
- In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem
- One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired
- Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car”
- I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed
- Capitalism tries for a delicate balance: It attempts to work things out so that everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from getting violent and trying to take other people’s stuff
- Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of the day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things,he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money
More George here – Pass this on to someone who needs a laugh today!
Tags: comedy, George Carlin, humor, monday, need a laugh, quotes, stand up comedian
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[...] ~George Carlin [...]