“The cruelest lies are often told in silence.” ~ Adlai Stevenson
In my last post about how I quit crystal meth, I left you with a few questions I asked myself in order to get my thoughts organized. As I look back it seems the questions helped me kick meth with a practical type of logic. But, I am a Virgo and if you believe in astrology this is probably the only way I could have done it. Continue reading
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” ~Mahatma Gandhi
I received an email yesterday from a reader who asked me how I quit crystal meth. It made me wonder, have I never mentioned that? I can be very scatter-brained so it’s very likely I haven’t which is shocking, yet not shocking hence the scatter-brain.
There is no simple answer to the question and it’s much too long to write up in one day, so I’ll answer this in a series, today being part one.
Knowing you have the problem is step one, I know – how very cliché. But true! Continue reading
“There are some things one remembers even though they may never have happened.” ~ Harold Pinter, Old Times
Since I have been writing about my crystal meth experiences one thing has remained constant. I am not sure, nor have I ever been sure, of what was real and what was not real. I have had to accept the things I remember so vividly …may never have happened. Continue reading
“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.” ~William Shakespeare, “Hamlet”
Twenty four hours ago I was completely unaware of the idea I am presenting here today. The idea of demons preying on people who have altered their state of mind and/or who are susceptible to these negative influences because of using meth.
Before going further, and as simply as possible, I want to define three words as I understand them from the sources I have read. Continue reading
“Bipolar disorder can be a great teacher. It’s a challenge, but it can set you up to be able to do almost anything else in your life.” ~ Carrie Fisher
I recently began seeing a new case worker and doctor because I have no insurance. The case worker stated that she tends to question when a person is diagnosed with bipolar disorder because it seems to happen too often. Then I began to question if I am bipolar at all. Continue reading
“Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten.” ~Buddha
Every time I mention how I have healed 99.9 percent from my past drug use, that 00.1 percent comes back to bite me. Perhaps I am acknowledging there is part of me that is not healed which draws attention to it and brings it to the surface?
There are a couple ways I think and I go back and forth…. One) I feel I want to keep that 00.1 percent part of that wound open to keep me from making the same terrible mistake. Two) I feel healing completely should be my goal to avoid pain altogether. Would it be more painful to make the same mistake or spend the rest of my life with that 00.1 percent? Continue reading
“You and I are essentially infinite choice-makers. In every moment of our existence, we are in that field of all possibilities where we have access to an infinity of choices.” ~Deepak Chopra
I was reading some of my old journals which I do on occasion and realized it’s my seven year anniversary of when my drug abuse when into overdrive which lasted a little over two years. Seems like a lifetime ago. It was around January 2004 when it escalated into a weekend event and ended in 2006 when death came knocking. Continue reading
“When a sinister person means to be your enemy, they always start by trying to become your friend.” ~ William Blake
This week has been awful, my anxiety has sky-rocketed over disturbing thoughts I have been having about my past meth use. So here I am, about to get a little more out of my system so I can try to just let it go.
I have been learning more about the gay drug culture and it has been totally freaking me out. My current boyfriend has been telling me stories about his own experiences with drugs and those who are deeply rooted in that lifestyle. As I learn about his history, I can’t help but reevaluate my own memories and it has made them even more disturbing. Continue reading
“Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge.” ~ Isaac Friedmann
As I sit on the sofa my heart pounds, my breath is short, and my hands are shaking. Memories of meth flood my mind, faces fly through my head, some clear, some blurred. A series of what ifs, and what don’t I know, go around and around in my head, over and over, never ending. Continue reading
“The person that loses their conscience has nothing left worth keeping.” ~ Izaak Walton
Crystal meth made me so paranoid there needs to be a new word to describe the feeling. For me, it was always off the charts, but for others around me, it didn’t seem to have the same effect. I have often wondered why and two things come to mind. Continue reading
