Jan
23
2012
“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.” ~Sydney J. Harris
Living with bipolar disorder (undiagnosed) until my late 30′s is making my current life (diagnosed & medicated) far more difficult than I ever would have guessed.
Throughout my life I have made more than my share of bad decisions but they didn’t seem that bad while I was making them, but I had no idea there was a mental illness that was short circuiting my thoughts. When I made a bad decision it never completely registered that it was bad. On some level I knew I was doing something really bad but it had very, very little meaning. Continue reading
1 comment | tags: anxiety, bipolar diorder, crystal meth, drugs, guilt, healing, human interest, hypersexuality, mania, manic depression, mental illness, meth, Methamphetamine, regret, Sydney J. Harris quote | posted in Illness (and healing)
Mar
8
2011
“Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten.” ~Buddha
Every time I mention how I have healed 99.9 percent from my past drug use, that 00.1 percent comes back to bite me. Perhaps I am acknowledging there is part of me that is not healed which draws attention to it and brings it to the surface?
There are a couple ways I think and I go back and forth…. One) I feel I want to keep that 00.1 percent part of that wound open to keep me from making the same terrible mistake. Two) I feel healing completely should be my goal to avoid pain altogether. Would it be more painful to make the same mistake or spend the rest of my life with that 00.1 percent? Continue reading
6 comments | tags: Buddha quote, contempt, crystal meth, drug abuse, emotional healing, fear, guilt, hurt, nervousness, pain, remorse, sadness | posted in Illegal Drugs
Aug
5
2010
“At any moment, you have a choice, that either leads you closer to your spirit or further away from it.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
My mom always says, “If it’s something you can’t tell your mother about, you probably shouldn’t be doing it.” I think she is right, I think we all have an inner knowing of what is right or wrong without anyone having to tell us.
Being bipolar throws a wrench into that way of thinking – for me it meant knowing this difference between acceptable or unacceptable behavior but not giving a damn which one I chose. I didn’t worry myself with consequences or what people thought about me, I just did things on a whim and said, “whatever.” Continue reading
1 comment | tags: bipolar disorder, crystal meth, dipolar, drug abuse, guilt, healing, mental health, meth, shame, Thich Nhat Hanh quote | posted in Illegal Drugs, Illness (and healing)
