Posts Tagged numb

Just Plain Numb

Sunday, March 24th, 2013 | Permalink

Face down n outI feel numb. Nothing matters enough for me to get anything done today. I don’t care, I just do not care. Yet I feel I had to do something so here I am   ….I came here to type, to talk    …to whatever.

I haven’t exercised in about a week or so, I lost track. I think I got annoyed because my partner cooks so good and it makes me think my desire for a flatter stomach is a joke with him in the kitchen.

I’ve been using marijuana to “fix” my depression and that gives me the munchies from hell and I can kill a bag of potato chips in one sitting …along with a big piece of chocolate cake. So what’s the point of climbing on the elliptical trainer? Today I say, “Screw that.”

Marijuana doesn’t always cure my mood. There are times when marijuana is totally ineffective at pulling me from the deep shit hole I find myself in, but it works pretty damned good most of the time. (more…)

Even Demons Can’t Stand to Be Near Me

Thursday, September 29th, 2011 | Permalink

A lot of people don’t realize that depression is an illness. I don’t wish it on anyone, but if they would know how it feels, I swear they would think twice before they just shrug it.” ~Jonathan Davis

Over the last several days I have been growing more numb inside. My mood isn’t even an obvious depression, but one of  just not caring or giving a damn about anything and that’s the numbness I feel….as if I died on the inside and my body hasn’t caught up yet. I thought about writing here but didn’t because I just didn’t care enough to  …but while I was lying on my bed, I picked up my journal from the nightstand and just wrote and it came out with ease and that is what follows below.

“Things are no better and not sure if they’re worse. Is it worse to not give a damn about anything in my life right now or is it worse to be depressed about it? Depression would suggest some level of caring wouldn’t it? (more…)

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