“Any existence deprived of freedom is a kind of death.” ~ Gen Michel Aoun
This Independence Day I will be having fun with friends all weekend. It’s planned but not too planned as we want to see fireworks, boat races, ride bikes, go out for drinks, enjoy the beach, have a clam bake, plus the stuff we haven’t thought of yet!
A Darker 4th
If I hadn’t quit meth, none of this would be possible. A few short years ago on July 4th I was confined to the sofa or the bed with only enough energy to roll off and crawl to the bathroom a couple times a day. Nearing my death, I was still in denial of what I did to myself with crystal meth. (more…)
“If you’re a meth addict you either throw in the towel and go into treatment, or you scramble to find some other way to get it.” ~Curt Smith
Many of us have heard of the website, Faces of Meth, that show before and after photos of meth addicts. These pictures are frightening enough but the face meth gave me was a bit different. The face you see above is my face after more than two years of heavy meth use which led directly to the poorest health of my life. (more…)
“The cruelest lies are often told in silence.” ~ Adlai Stevenson
In my last post about how I quit crystal meth, I left you with a few questions I asked myself in order to get my thoughts organized. As I look back it seems the questions helped me kick meth with a practical type of logic. But, I am a Virgo and if you believe in astrology this is probably the only way I could have done it.
What makes me happy?
Being in control of my surroundings including who is around me. I like sincere, genuine, uncomplicated people who mean what they say and say what they mean. I love simple! I am happy when I know or learn rather than wonder. I like when things are done right – I prefer quality over quantity. (more…)
“There are some things one remembers even though they may never have happened.” ~ Harold Pinter, Old Times
Since I have been writing about my crystal meth experiences one thing has remained constant. I am not sure, nor have I ever been sure, of what was real and what was not real. I have had to accept the things I remember so vividly …may never have happened. (more…)
“When a sinister person means to be your enemy, they always start by trying to become your friend.” ~ William Blake
This week has been awful, my anxiety has sky-rocketed over disturbing thoughts I have been having about my past meth use. So here I am, about to get a little more out of my system so I can try to just let it go.
I have been learning more about the gay drug culture and it has been totally freaking me out. My current boyfriend has been telling me stories about his own experiences with drugs and those who are deeply rooted in that lifestyle. As I learn about his history, I can’t help but reevaluate my own memories and it has made them even more disturbing. (more…)
“Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge.” ~ Isaac Friedmann
As I sit on the sofa my heart pounds, my breath is short, and my hands are shaking. Memories of meth flood my mind, faces fly through my head, some clear, some blurred. A series of what ifs, and what don’t I know, go around and around in my head, over and over, never ending.
Sometimes I think I should be on another medication to help me cope, but I know that would only mask or hide what I need to deal with emotionally. This is the hardest part of my recovery. (more…)
“When you are grateful fear disappears and abundance appears.” ~ Anthony Robbins
Recently, a friend asked me a question about my experience with methamphetamines and illness. If I weren’t so ill I may not have needed urgent hospitalization and I may have kept using Meth, among other things (GHB, ecstasy, & God knows what else). I saw signs and other red flags that should have caused me to quit meth but they were ignored and dismissed. (more…)
“A true friend is the most precious of all possessions and the one we take the least thought about acquiring.” ~ La Rochefoucauld
Last night I was sitting in bed trying to read and I became consumed with negative thoughts. I couldn’t get them out of my head. All the things I went through while partying were flooding into my mind. I began questioning events and asking myself if I was remembering correctly or was I blowing things out of proportion again? (more…)
“Drugs are not always necessary, but belief in recovery always is.“ ~ Norman Cousins
In the short span of about two years I destroyed my health doing drugs which nearly ended my life. When I was hospitalized in the summer of 2006, I had full blown AIDS and my t-cell count was around ONE. I had heard when this happens, it is sometimes hard for the immune system to ever recover. (more…)
This Independence Day I will be having fun with friends all weekend. It’s planned but not too planned as we want to see fireworks, boat races, ride bikes, go out for drinks, enjoy the beach, have a clam bake, plus the stuff we haven’t thought of yet!
I saw signs and other red flags that should have caused me to quit meth but they were ignored and dismissed. 
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