“Suffering is but another name for the teaching of experience, which is the parent of instruction and the schoolmaster of life.” ~ Horace
The story that follows comes immediately after, I Began to Wake Up. If you haven’t read it yet, you may want to get a little background.
I consider this to be the most important time of my life because I feel I grew more at this time than all my previous years put together – I was 37 at the time.
The challenges throughout the next month and a half were difficult to say the least. As hard as it was to go through, I consider it to have been a positive experience in many ways. If it weren’t for these events, I would not be who I am now and I’m happier with who I’ve become versus the person I use to be.
Sick Beyond Recognition
I had become so ill I didn’t look the same – I was something else entirely. A neighbor stopped by and didn’t recognize me from the person he spoke to a couple months before. He apologized and said he didn’t know others had moved in and I didn’t correct him as I was floored I had gotten that bad.
Wake Up Call
It was another day and I woke up alive, but I wasn’t sure how many more times I would be able to do that and it frightened me. My condition declined so rapidly I don’t think I was fully aware of how I looked or how sick I’d become until just hours before.
I called my mother…or she called me, it’s hard to remember, and I told her of my situation because up until then I had hidden it from family. She knew I was not feeling well, but she didn’t know she would never have recognized me.
I told my mother about my situation she begged me to get to the hospital immediately. I told her I thought I was dying and didn’t want to die which has to be heart-wrenching for a mother to hear. I promised her I would go see my doctor who has an office at the hospital – the same doctor I had been seeing up til 2 weeks prior because I had felt too sick to go.
Lack of Urgency
I was still pretty calm and do not remember being in a hurry, but I knew I would be admitted to the hospital so I packed a small bag and proceeded out to the car where Simon was already seated behind the wheel.
I was barley standing – hugging the walls of the front room – inch by inch I made it out onto the front porch. It was a typical blistering hot August afternoon in Florida yet I was still bundled up in a sweatshirt and hood for fear someone would see me.
As I went down the three steps to the sidewalk, I lost my balance and fell to the ground below. I could barely get myself up to get to the car just five feet away. I looked to see if my boyfriend, Simon, was getting out to help me – he wasn’t – he was sitting there waiting and doing nothing about my fall and I was confused and worried by his lack of action.
Arrive at Hospital
We pulled up to the front entrance and Simon went inside to find a wheelchair and was back out in a few minutes.
Going up the elevator I remember becoming calm as if a wave washed over me letting me know that everything would be fine. Don’t ask me how I knew, but I just did.
When I was wheeled into the doctor’s waiting room I had Simon position my chair so no one could look at me at my request. The wait seemed like an eternity and I was so cold.
My doctor came in and sat down and I’ll always remember the look on his face – I could tell he was afraid I might not make it.
Read Part II
The wonderful morphine drip and
Simon’s ALARMING phone call!